fredag, april 29, 2005

just thinking some

There is Some persons in my life that can do wounders ....
They alone has the secret of makeing me smile and touching me to the bottom of my soul....
They dont know it yet but when they do realize it i hope none of them will be mad or upset becouse i devoted a whole post to them ...

you friends rock !

i wouldent sit here today if it wherent for you lovely friends .... and you all know that ...

Thanks for beeing a friend ! you lovely friends are the best !

//M issy

onsdag, april 27, 2005


wee almost a smile !!!!!!! *giggles* Posted by Hello

Animee/Manga looking pic ! ....so inspierd ! Posted by Hello

and more ... Posted by Hello

played some more ! Posted by Hello

played a bit on cam ! Posted by Hello

Camfrog rant ....

like guys ...... me as a girl gives the fuck about what you guys have between your legs ... i go for whats inside your head and not the head between your legs ..... im feed up whith the looks at my cam open chest show and so on as well .... when is that shit going to stop ? i am seriously tierd of guys asking me for sexshows and shit like that .... i show when i am in the fucking mood .... not when they tell me what to do and when to do it .... i am serious .... its so annoying that i am strongly considering stopping useing the program

i am NOT payed to sit as a operator
and i am DEFINTLY not payed to do live sexshows ....

and most guys from camfrog needs to learn how to pick up persons ... seriously ... i would never date anyone that said this kinda stuff to me at a bar i would probobly slap them back to the stoneage .... (just remember that this is NOT corrected or typed by me)

*do u show?

*you like to see im playing ???

*mmm sexy lil miss_busan

*private sexxxxxxxx showww prencess

*do u wanna my cam??i'm stroking

*10 inches cock..u wanna see?

* hey ms how owuld u like to try hypnosis

*do you accept to see me in girliies things ?

*hi my darling

*are u ready to sex

* do u want to see dick

* i m to congratulate missy u r very able ..........

*grupsex bayb



and this is the kindest instant messages i recived today ..... i have gotten a whole lot worse shit today and about every time i log on so it dosent take a rocketscientist to understand why in hell i am so reserved and feed up whith the whole thing ...

//rant about camfrog off and over to more stuff that are a bit more serious\\

I am a

shapeshifter ...moodswinger....synthetic ..... all in one i am a Electronic Wireless Neohuman ..... the short name is EWN...... thats me all wrapped up in one package .... if you dont like it .... i am not going to change just becouse you think it is a good idea .... i do what i want whith my life .... and its my choise and my decicions that matters
in the end anyways...

I was dancing in the streets filled whith happiness at one point of my life ..
i wounder what happend to the careless wild girl
that so many peapole liked and loved ...

i think she lost track of life for a while and now shes getting back on track
its hard but hey its all worth it in the end...
i will party my ass off and go back to beeing the wild child
i once was...

söndag, april 24, 2005


uhmmm dont piss Missy off !! LOL Posted by Hello

lördag, april 23, 2005

someone asked me what my type is

my type is pretty simple ...
the person at the party/whatever that hides in the shadows ....
what i mean is...
do not attract my attention ....
that wont get me interessted ....
that will only make me run for the hills...
since i hide myself in the shadows..

if you are serious you have to be in the shadows
and not make a freaking sound ...
just enjoy the silence while i grab you and hug and kiss and throw myself at you

//Marina

torsdag, april 21, 2005


oh yes ..... i changed hair again .... i know i am insane ... live whith it or just dont care at all ! this is the blog live whith it ! couse i am not going to bother more whith it .... i mean sure ill blog but from now on ill just post pics and write text for a while ... i dont really feel like blogging fulltime *hugs* //Marina Posted by Hello

måndag, april 18, 2005

something really weird

happend today .... micke started chatting whith me .... out of the blue ... i am still supprised ....


oh well he gave me some good news ... the 30th this month i get too meet all my friends since were going to have a large and i mean it LARGE reunion ...

a whole weekend whith me and 80 friends and their friends ... we will prolly hit between 500-800 persons during the whole weekend =) all goth´s/synth/punks/metal peapole in one small town ! hehe were gonna paint the town black !

and best part is that i get to meet the persons i love and like ...........

i cant help it but i love Victor and Micke and Ante and Pungis

but Micke already knows me and my darker sides so i cant really complain can i ?

and if i know him rigth everyone else knows my darker sides as well .... and they still want me around and thats whats weird ... they know i beeing lurking in the shadows of hell on and off ... so offcourse i am confused as hell but hey what can i do about that ? i love them to death and they know it !

my god so much gossip around that i think i am gonna drown damnit !

im just happy that i am not stuck in that mess YET ...
and thomas and markus (also known as Tomo and Mackke or Master and Sir) ... thanks for agreeing on letting me use your adpartment during that weekend i know you guys wont go whith me since you 2 will be going to the capital city that weekend for your 3 years togther celebration !! i am happy for you guys !!

spring is in the air and its time this knitwitted idiot gets out and get layed and that suits me just fine at the moment !

heres todays random stuff i said

i love you you evil bastard from hell
(said by me to danny the friend in umeå who thinks hes some kind of god of destruction or something)

haha your such a looser no wounder the school rejected you ! (me to my stepbrother... yeah i know i love him but seriously hes in BIG trouble LOL his grades SUCK)

so you wanna fuck today or tomorrow ??
(me and anna talking on the phone)

say what ?? you really think my ass is huge ???
(me and a nurse talking at the pharmacy while shes giving me a medication shot in my rear)
---------
anyways this day has after all beeing fun !

chatting whith a friend

a friend and me talked today ..... (18th of may 2005 explanition is lower down)
( we actully talked a whole lot more i just prefer cutting it up in smaller parts)

Friend :so I think now I know why you're offended by being called a "goth"...
Me :and what is your conclusion ?
Friend : death is all too much of a reality for you....
goth's are sterotypically glorifying death....
it's a mutually exclusive thing... can't glorify what's in your face everyday...
otherwise, you'd be sitting there with pills, a gun, a razor blade in your hand..
I was missing the important piece of the puzzle
I always wondered why you didn't like that word now I know
Me: well what can i say ? i am just human and if i could choose a way i would end up going my own way in the end anyways becouse thats how i do it ... i walk my own path and i am happy whith it
and that is WHY i dont want any lables slapped on me .... i take the day as it comes
------
and yes i decided to sneak in old posts among the posts i already have here and i am just going to fill it up whith old posts i have a diary that needs to move over here from last year .... since i intend to remove it completly .....

söndag, april 17, 2005

Clicky Link to my Homepage !

First of all ! i updated my homepage !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Confused as shit !


what do i really want out of life ?
do i really want nothing at all or do i want everything ?

i have no fucking clue ...

*starts screaming* i wanna have things that i cant have and
i dont want the things i already have !


just for future referenses .... i am insane and i know it
but why does life have to be so damn complicated ? the
answer is simple to that question tho ... its becouse i make
the mess on my own ...

do i really want to go back to school in august ?
hell no ... atleast not at the moment...

do i have a choise?
No again .... i have to do something or ill get too depressed

Posted by Hello
hey i lost 3 kg of weigth since last month ! yay for me ...
i think the weigthloss slowed down majorly and its becouse i
am building up the legs again .... and muscle mass weigths ...

constantly horny and agressive .... if i want some sex i
will go grab it where i can find it (i will NOT sit around
and wait for peapole ill just go grab about anyone to get a
1-230 mins of pure sex or masturbation) .... not too picky
rigth now
just a bit whats it called .... horny ...
so horny that i think the world has gone insane ...
couldent sleep for the 11 houers i was in bed ... played
whith my toys and i am actully just worse now ... since i am
ready to jump about anyone of any gender just for sex ...
i feel like if i am in heat 24/7 and its pissing me off
since i cant seem to think about anything else at the moment

my mind is flooded whith sex whith Anna or Madde .... or
even the cute guy living in the same complex as my mother
and sister and stepdad .....

i am going to die of hornyness ! beat that guys .... !



fredag, april 15, 2005

~LOL~

k how shall i handle this .... LOL ... xxxxxxxxxx : maybe i ll think about you..... when i am makeing love whith my wife
shall i be flatterd or insulted ?

to tierd to think

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! YAY !!!!!!!!!!!

doctor just called all results for new problems where negative... they only found the existing problems


and that can be fixed ! and yes .... the preg test was negative as well .... Thank god !

*happy girl*

torsdag, april 14, 2005

Get away from me ! Stay the fuck away from me ! Get away from me ! Stay the fuck away from me !

I'm not trying to cause a fuss
I just wanna make my own fuck-ups
I'm not trying to break your heart
I'm just trying not to fall apart
I'm sorry! I'm ugly!
I'm failing! I'm angry!
It's fucked up! I'm different!
And now you're walking away!
I'm so afraid
I'm so ashamed
It's sometimes just like sleeping...
curling up inside my private torture.
I nestle into pain.


greatest mix of lyrics put
together makes perfect sence
in my brain rigth now

onsdag, april 13, 2005


Yes a collage .... i know i suck ! *giggles* but this is me during the last 10 years on and off i wanted to prove one thing ... that i wasent always a blackhaird person i actullly had other haircolors as well from time to time... Posted by Hello



oh and to clarify the text in that image ....

it says ....
"I am Missy"

You can Use me Throw me Wash me up and get me
Dirty
You can Hug me Kiss Me Hit me
You can curse at me and Tell me you love me
You can Hurt me in so many ways and throw me
around just for pleasure
But on the inside i cry when noone can hear me or
see me

"I am Missy, I am for Free"

~~~~~
it also says Mifflabow 2005
on one of the pics ...
its becouse i actully
used to have that username
on qx.se ...
but i dropped it for EWN....

Umpphh

the day after and some sleep later and a hospital visit later i feel kinda wierd up again ...

i honestly dont know why but i do suspect something is majorly wrong


but thats all you get out of me ...

//Marina

yes i lost my mind and now i am better Posted by Hello

tisdag, april 12, 2005

To Hell and Back

i tryed sleeping it off the last couple of days but now i
just cant ignore it ... yes i am depressed ...i
dident wake up in my home ....becouse
what i dident know was that my stepdad was shaking me around
trying to wake me up damn him and his supprise visits.....
(sleeping pills + a lot of other meds combined) i dident
wake up in my bed i woke up at the hospital er room after
they pumped my stummach... rather unpleasant to wake up and
realizing i failed again ...

DOESENT anyone understand that I DO NOT WHISH TO LIVE for
damns sake...

and its not like they keept me there for observation ...they
dont have enoufh room so they sent me home so i can do it
all fucking over until i finally get to die


Do i Have to leave this fucking town to be able to kill
myself ???

its not like if i am cutting myself or makeing a mess .... i
just dont want to live here and now ... how hard is that to
understand ?

Music

Depressed ?



Hell yes....
i dont know where to start .... but one of my friends told
me he had being picking up vibes from me so he asked me
straigth out if i was depressed .... and i think hes rigth
.... i am going downhill .... fast ... expresslane to
depression...
its intence this time i just want to lay down and die

also my horniness went up the roof as it happend .... god i
cant control it when it happends .... and i am still very
worried about me not getting my period ....3-4 weeks after
sex whith a ex and no period ..... it starts to feel like
hell is starting over for me ..... and peapole read my mind
way to easy ... even my stepbrother seems to be able to read
it well at the moment ... and hes like what .... in uk and i
am in sweden for gods sake !

he called me today and told me that he wanted me over
earlyier this year and that i need to stay longer then 2
weeks ... prolly need to stay for 1-2 months

he has everything figured out for me but he forgot one thing
.... to ask me if that is what i want ...

i know what i want ... i want to live a life in peace and
total silence whithout anyone butting in to my life more
then nessesacry (misspelled word who gives a shit english is
my second langue)

i just want to be alone and live my life the way i think is
best for me ... i dont want peapole around to tell me to do
this or that ...

YES i am a EGOIST and a proud one !

~~Marina~~

måndag, april 11, 2005

Bubble wrap etiquett


  • Don't pop someone else's bubble wrap without permission. This could lead to Bad Things Happening to your person..
  • Don't pop bubble wrap in quiet public places (like libraries) unless you want it confiscated.
  • Don't pop bubble wrap in a store if you haven't paid for it. They get cranky when their rolls of bubble wrap are all limp.
  • It is always good form to offer to share your bubble wrap.
  • Giving your bubble wrap to children is good for Karma points.
  • Chicks dig bubble wrap. Always bring it along on a date

    Yes i am insane !

ha ha ha ... i had fun ! and yeah i know sometimes i can be a bit weird .... but its not news is it ? everyone who does know me also knows i am somewhat insane ! Posted by Hello

This is the current state of mind .... i know it looks scary but i am not scary ! Posted by Hello

tryed the other gender and damn i look HOT ! Posted by Hello

i am so cute Posted by Hello

LOL Posted by Hello
why cant life be simple .... like WHY does everything have to be so
complicated ?
rigth now i am somewhere between pissed off at peapole and
just wanting to kill peapole or myself it dosent really
matter ...

Love is not the answer
Love Is NOT the key
Love is not something i want
Love is what i get
Love is what i feel
Love is what makes me confused

conclusion= LOVE IS FOR EVERYONE BUT ME

i know what i want and how to get it .... but i really dont
want to go through all that trouble again its not worth it
in the long run

i have my lovely friends and that will have to do since its
them that will stand there picking me up when i crash and burn

i burn for my friends....they are the key reason why i
havent given up or given in.... someone once told me that i
was the first one that ever stood up for him becouse noone
else dared to ...sure we where kids at the playground but
still i remember that as it was yesterday i punched someones
nose becouse he was bulling my friend and my friend dident
dare to figth back ... nowdays its the reverse ... i let
Thomas take care of those who bullies me ...(that weak
little skinny kid is STILL my best friend and i do Like him
as a friend)

even if i am depressed i still know they like me for who i
am and who i was ... they are the only persons i know that i
would figth in to death beside if i ever had to do it and
they are returning that favor by figthing beside me when i
need it the most

Thank god for Internet and Skype ! how else would i ever be
able to keep in touch whith my friends overseas

Camfrog/Msn is also good inventions to keep the friendships
in place and actully if your so extremly lucky as i am you
migth find a close gang of friends to chat whith on and off
sometimes ! my friends already know who they are and my
enemys also know who i am ..... I AM the ultimate monster
from hell whith my moodswings and my short fuse and weird
behaviour... I AM the Uber Bitch from Hell...
and still my secrets stays as MY secrets no matter what ...
i WILL Die whith my secrets in my Black icy heart...

My
Homepage

First post !

i came here ! and i am happy to be here ! now i just need to figure out how it works !

söndag, april 10, 2005

last block in rigth place

2005-04-04 00:23:11

since my msn blog is gone


i think ill just sit here and be grumpy at my self ! =)

no not really ... i violated the rules and now i have to pay
for it LOL .... it sucks but hey its better then nothing !
well my plans for today is simple ..... its monday morning
and the day has just started ! ... i love my friends !

i moved around a bit and i changed my weiw on life completly
most things tends to be bad but i can always turn something
bad in to something good rigth ?


Linus for example ... hes a lousy nasty person that i really
disslike a lot ... and he is a ex...... and thats the reason
he is a ex .... he is way to nasty for me to get along whith
in the long run ... he toys whith peapole and its just not
fair ... but i must admit he is from the past and he
shouldent be able to walk all over me but unfortanly i have
a really soft spot for him .... hey you would have one too
if you spent that amount of time whith a person you really
really like ...


and well i do dislike him but i am not gonna let him take
upp all the space here ...

over to the funeral i was on friday morning/afternoon

i actully meet my aunt (her husband was the one who had
passed away) and her 2 kids (my cousins that i hadent meet
since i was about 6-7) and two of my cousins 5 kids !

so ... i meet
Lisa
Anders/Ewa
Åsa/Sara

my cousins are 35 (Anders) and 37 (Ewa) ....
my cousins kids are 20(Åsa)/18(Sara).....
and the fact is that i had more in common whith my cousins
kids then i had whith their mother Ewa .... it feelt pretty
weird .... and i could more or less relate to Anders due to
him and me living in the same freaking town for atleast 5
years and NOT knowing it .... how weird is that ?

oh well there is pics of them in a hidden dir at my homepage !
and in the same dir you can find me AND my sister on the
same pic´s for the first time in 18 years ! it is schocking
i know .... but its just becouse we dont get along too well ..

and well now that i spent time typing about that i should
prolly mention that the funeral itself was hard to actully
understand .... since i dont know anything on finnish but
the frase "now its time for coffee and cake" so the funeral
itself was a bit odd/weird .... but i guess it was his
request ....i just feelt so out of place that i dident
really know what to do and how to behave i just stood around
and sat around looking supprisingly stupid ....
for almost 3 houers damnit !

it was a nice sunny day tho not a single cloud in the sky
but it was some cold winds at the chapell and the church
well it is the nicest monument they have in oxelösund ! (the
town whith alot of small docks and beaches ! (Salt water
anyone ?? totally great water to swim around in on the
summers... did it a couple of times)

and i am supprised i managed to remeber all this whithout
any help by my beloved post it´s !

~~rant over~~
No lyrics today you fool ! go eat some soup !


2005-04-07 16:33:00

Somewhere over your shoulder


intense up´s and down´s
got me thinking about things ...

*sneaks off singing*

Suicide is Painless
(Theme from M*A*S*H*)

Through early morning fog I see,
Visions of the things to be,
The pains that are withheld for me,
I realize and I can see...

That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make,
All our little joys relate,
Without that ever-present hate,
But now I know that it's too late, and...

That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.

The game of life is hard to play,
I'm gonna lose it anyway.
The losing card I'll someday lay,
So this is all I have to say.

That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.

The only way to win is cheat,
And lay it down before I'm beat,
And to another give my seat,
For that's the only painless feat.

That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.

The sword of time will pierce our skins.
It doesn't hurt when it begins.
But as it works its way on in,
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.

A brave man once requested me,
to answer questions that are key.
Is it to be or not to be?
And I replied 'Oh why ask me?'

That suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.

'Cause suicide is painless.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it if I please.

...And you can do the same thing if you choose.
2005-04-08 15:08:30

Synthpop Music that i DO listnen to !


1980s

* a-ha
* Alphaville
* Bronski Beat
* Camouflage
* Dalida
* Thomas Dolby
* Depeche Mode
* Erasure
* A Flock Of Seagulls
* The Human League
* Howard Jones
* New Musik
* Level 42
* Men Without Hats
* New Order
* Gary Numan
* Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
* Pet Shop Boys
* Real Life
* Talk Talk
* Telex
* The Units
* Winston Tong
* Yello


1990s and thereafter

* Apoptygma Berzerk
* Assemblage 23
* B! Machine
* Blue October
* Brave New World
* Colony 5
* Covenant
* De/Vision
* Distorted Reality
* Echo Image
* Faith Assembly
* Freezepop
* Glow
* I SATELLITE
* Intuition
* Iris
* Joy Electric
* Ladytron
* Melotron
* Mesh
* Monolithic
* Neuroactive
* Neuropa
* The Echoing Green
* The Faint
* The Nine
* The Postal Service
* Spray
* S.P.O.C.K.
* Umilenie
* Vespin Love Kit
* Voice Industrie
* VNV Nation
* Wave In Head
* Wolfsheim


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and thanks davago for sending me the de lux chocklat from
Belgium !!!!!!!!!! it is sooooooooooooooo good
!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-04-08 21:59:24

just another day passed by


its so hard to express what i really think about things like
for instance today .... i went to the supermarket and stood
in a line and peapole just left the line becouse they must
have beeing scared of me or something .... i promise you i
am not dangerous i was only hungry .... and NO i was not
aming at someones neck .... it must be the black clothes and
the leather coat that got them to run over to the other
counter...

----------------

and camfrog ... thats still a depressing thing .... heres
some stuff i dragged out of my current profile ...
~~~~~~~~

Age 26
Sex Female
Location Other side of the galaxy to the left 19 degrees

Marital status Single
Seeking Anyone
Real Name
Occupation Paragon of Death/Slayer of Nigths
Homepage http://missy.lupinesden.com/

Other Comments

ok here we go whith a list !

1, If you dont know me do not instant message me
2, If your in a relationsship dont waste my time
3, I am not looking for cybersex ..so be gone !
4, I do NOT show ... so dont bother asking
5, I am here for My Friends and THEY know it
~~~~~~~~~~~
And besides that list i am a nice person
Unless you call me a goth....
~~~~~~~~
I speak Swedish/English/Fuckoffish (only when my
hormones are out of whack)
And i love my friends

~~~~~~~

and peapole still dont get it i DO NOT fucking care if your
uber hot and want cybersex.....
--------------------

i am happy i made such a good friend on frog tho ...
Evil_Eyes (Luke) hes nice and he relates easily to what kind
of hell i am going through on daily baseis ....
not many persons understands that !


there is so many persons i would like to thank but i really
cant think straigth rigth now .... Shasta thanks for
voloteering to be my future ex husband !


atleast i am in my happy period rigth now
Creeper