Read this link before you read todays (cross reference to a post in may this year)Blog


(that was the weirdest dream i had this year .... still analyzing it to pices .... and this was from may 7th this year but it kinda reoccur in my dream i dream reruns of previous dreams but theres always something alterd in the dreams that goes in a loop for instance .... this time i actully realized that the guy i meet in the stairs where one of the friends that i hanged whith a while back in 2000 .... he sent me a email the other day .. hadent talked or seen him for a long while and he actully sent a pic ... and to my supprise .. he changed ... and looks a lot like that perons i dreamt of ... the dream actully countinues since i seem to dream alternative endings or if i am replacing some parts of my dreams while dreaming them)
~~~~
alternative dream ....or if you whish ... alternative way of dealing whith this dream ....i think this dream migth be a bit of a overkill tho becouse i spent a lot of time analyzing this after i woke up....
~~~~
pretty much starts out the same me and my mother and her friend blah blah blah .... to the part that i get in to the classroom ...
thats when everything i dreamt before gets alterd....

My teatcher approaches me and tells me that we need to talk .... and i sit there and listnen to his mumbeling about something and i get bored and starts vaccuming the floor while he talks about my grades and he gets mad and i leave becouse i dont want to listnen and i dont have to listnen to him ... so me and my friend run down some stairs and realizes that were wearing some kind of heavy vaccumcleaners on our backs .... and we dissapear from the schoolground and home to my new adpartment and discover that something is wrong whith the floor .... theres huge dustbunnies on the floor and there moving ... we both scream in terror ... since they started growing and started to attack our legs ...

then out of nowhere comes that pesky teatcher and says something like ... you should really know that i am someone you know .... but in your dimension i am pretty .... dead .... my name is P and i know you know who i am ....and you also know the reason why you are here ... so tell me do you want me or not .... and of course i get pissed off becouse i dont really want him or my friend ...... so ... i turn around and ram the vaccumcleaner in his head ... and say whith a lot of attitude ... Hey theres no way in hell that i want you your like .... my teatcher ffs...

he gets mad and me and my friend runs back to school to go to next class whith our classmates .... but when we got up there we couldent avoid seeing the dirty floor ... so we start cleaning the classroom and we continued whith every room and every stair we found .... and when we where finally done i got this really brilliant idea .... lets go out and have fun tonigth ! and my friend agrees on it... suddenly we where out on a field looking at the moon and stars while eating really good food
after we where done whith all the food we looked at eatchother and agreed on never ruin our great friendship whith sex ....

~~~~

after that i woke up and wounderd couple of things .... why the hell would him and me never break that promise ....(we never had sex in real life together) then i realized why ....
i can never have sex whith a friend ... that is why ! and we where extremly good friends before we actully moved away from eatchother
we both left our friendship behind when we both moved in diffrent directions from the town we used to live in at the same time....

i got occupied whith my life and he actully found love and i am happy for him and his girl....i know how hard it is to find that one person in your life that makes sence ...

next thing that dident make any sence what so ever was the cleaning obsession .... i HATE vaccumcleaners ... they make too much noise..
and me carrying one around on my back ... now that must be some way of saying that im going insane .....

and me not paying any attention to what a teatcher says ... now that is extrenly rare .... i must really dislike him for a reason OR i migth finally have forced him out of my dreams ... there must be a reason why i dident bother to listnen to what he said... becouse im sure he said some stuff that migth have given me a clue about something that my subconsious mind just dosent want to remember ....

//MissY on the run !

The reunion of the brother´s of Halvergatan

this is a typical dream ....

~~~~
it started whith me walking down to the local post office to get a huge box of some mysterious stuff that i couldent identify and in the bottom of that box i found a note and i read the note and discoverd that it was a invitation to a party and knowing myself i went down to a store and ran around stealing clothes out of the hangers since i was running kinda nude ...

then time flyed by and i was at the party .....
meet 2 brothers that i used to tease the shit out of .... (rl reference... i was extremly mean and cruel towards both of them all the time becouse they keept on telling me how flat chested i was at the age of 11 ... it was insulting !!)
and next thing that happend was that the both of them came up to me and slapped me senceless and when i woke up in their van i discoverd that they tied me up pretty bad .... so i kinda untangled the ropes and opend the side door and discoverd a new huge box of weird stuff in it .. and of course a new note in the bottom saying one simple thing ... HA !

so i started walking to the closest adpartment complex that was built after they teared down old Halvergatan
went inside and discoverd that it wasent really a old retierment home for old peapole ... it was a freaking s/m club ! and i then realized that i was wearing absolutly nothing again ... so i kinda feelt really weird ...

next thing i noticed was that one of the brothers (the older one) where holding my clothes that they must have removed while i was tied up in their van ... and suddenly i feelt someone putting a chocker around my neck .... and there i stood ... nude whith a chocker and a leash ... and still not saying a word ... then i took a really long look around and noticed that everyone i knew as a kid in that block where actully there .... and they all where nude and had a chocker and a leash on them ... i was horrified ! it was like a nigthmare seeing everyone at once everyone i was mean to and those i was less mean to .... but what really got my attention was the 2 brothers .... becouse they where the only 2 persons actully wearing clothes

and the younger brother suddenly sneaked up on me from behind and told everyone that was there that he had figured out who i was ... and where going to punish me infront of everyone ... i stood there icecold and said ... well yes congratulations your a pure genious ... did you have to look in my wallet to figure out who i am or what ?

he responded whith a slap on the ass and said .... well girl ... im just more used to see you as a flatchested mean tomboy
~~~~

and thats where i woke up .... whith his last insult on my mind ... how nice was that to wake up to ?

sleepless and mocking my personal trainer

sorry couldent sleep .... i am in one of those periods again ... when i just cant go to sleep every nigth .... i tend to sleep like every second day if i am lucky ....
so ..... get used to haveing a weird blog writer that only makes sence once in a two days period ...

on the brigth side ! atleast my dear personal trainer showed up today and yelled at me for beeing a lazy person thats growing mould on my behind ! (hes funny .... but not the smartest guy around)

he makes me all giggly and all laufhable .... becouse he tends to call me his favorite fat ass that needs to work more on the behind and tummy ..... *sighs*

oh well i kinda sneaked off when he left i went to the gas station to see that HES like eating a big fat hamburger whith a lots of stuff that wherent healthy ... i almost got a schock ! (he has ALWAYS pointed out how he HATES junk food and that HE would NEVER eat so called junkfood)

i took a snapshot whith my cellphone and i am gonna use it against him next time he says that something is unhealthy to eat !! evil giggle !!

i am evil ! (and no i will show him that snapshot when he comes by the next time and tells me that its unhealthy to eat junkfood... i am not going to blackmail him .... just tease the shit out of him..)

//Missy whith a Y

shopping went bad !

still ill tell ya what happend today !

i was gonna go out grocery shopping ..... and i was tierd and thougth i could remember everything on my own whithout writing a long shopping list .... so of course i went to the store and started shopping .... went to the register ... payed went home ....


unpacks ... and realizes .... that i just spent more money on a freaking hair dryer then on the things i needed ..... and i also realized that .... i dident buy any of the food i was supposed to buy .... i had bougth a freaking HAIR dryer instead of food !

so i quikly search for a store to see if they have like a home delivery thing so i could shop food online ....
but unfortanly my sleeping pill starterd working so i fell asleep before i could hit the submit button so ... guess what ... i STILL dont have any food at home !

it sucks ! but hey ... when i woke up the first thing i did was hitting that submitt button .... so tomorrow morning i will have my freaking pasta and potatoes and rice and vegtables !

and of course ill also have my ..... beloved chocklat candy ! :-D

a post from another of my blogs

the nigth is a nice thing to experience ! i am most active at nigths if i am asleep on a nigth .... its only becouse i am to worn out to be able to stay awake ...


oh well no more nonsence ! lets get to the dream !
todays dream was a bit ... messy ....

~~~
i stood in a park looking at a fountain ....
i turned around and saw a shadow comming up to me ... it was not a human shadow or a animal shadow .... the shadown dident say anything or do anything but i knew what it was thinking ..... and that scared me .... it was intensivly thinking about destroying me becouse i was a threat to something ... i could feel the shadows emotions as they where my own

suddenly i was in a ligth singing nude on stage ...and a tiny angry horrible male figure came up by my side and told me to shut up becouse i was off key ... and he told me that i should take a closer look at the audience and he also told me i was his property and he could do whatever he whished me to do ... and i did that .... i wasent the only one that was nude ... so i bursted out in songs about hate and rage and told him to shut the #OOPS# up becouse i was just a bit weirded out by the fact that i was nude on stage ....


then i was back at the park whith the really angry shadow .... the shadow tryed to attack me but failed then i was walking hand in hand whith someone i dident reqcognise and he told me i was his love but i knew i was not in love and then he turned in to that shadow and he was REALLY upset ...

and i couldent understand why he was upset so i just walked in to a building closeby and found myself on a field of fire the grass was on fire on that field but it dident hurt me since i dident feel any pain ...
and thats where the key to my mind was .... dont ask me i dont know .. i just know that in that fire grassy field there was a key on the ground somewhere ...

suddenly i was at a lake takeing a swim .... swam across the lake and halfway back i get pulled down under the water to discover that i wasent drowning ... i was able to have my eyes open and i saw this really cute fish ... so i decided to follow it ... i swam after is and found a whole underground city whith only 3 persons alive .... one was everything i ever wanted in looks... and one was everything i wanted in brains and the third one he was just hillarious funny ...
they wanted me to choose one of them and i just froze up ... i cant choose . i needed more time to get to know these 3 guys
so i told them .... no i will not choose if you make me choose i will end up killing myself... becouse no matter who i choose i will always wounder if i made the rigth choise...but they insisted on that i would make my choise now ... and fast...and since i couldent make that choise i ran away as fast as i could and found a way back to the surface i swam in to the land

just to be transported back to the park
whith the shadow that finally cooled down and said .... well done .. you proved your point .... you rather die then to find love ...
~~~

then i woke up extremly confused ....it was way to messy for me to handle ...

//Missy

he wopped my ass !

~~
updated 17:40
~~

my ass hurts ... *cries* (after all spanking and all whipping and all hot wax)

My master is now my ex master .... he called me a houer ago and said bye .... and i dont blame him .....

i couldent really care since
i can get sex elsewhere if i whish !
the whole relationship wasent about sex from the start ... we based it on other guidelines

im happy anyways !!


/Missy

A midsummer Celebration is on its way !

Friday 24 juni 2005, Midsommarafton.
todays post is becouse i thougth it was much more fun to describe traditions from sweden the to do something else !!

yes we crazy swedes have the weird habbit of doing silly things all year around and this must be the weirdest tradition we have in sweden
beside the event in april called valborgsmässoafton (dont ask LOL i always get drunk and forget that holiday ... or i sleep it off ... depending on how many fireworks and how loud peapole sing) and lucia thats in december (13 th of december)

but rigth now its all about midsommar !
midsommar is a holliday when you sing and dance around a big dildo whith balls upside down and stuck to the ground ...

so here it goes !

in my own words this tradition is probobly the only one i think is actully fun if your a kid .... you get to dance around a pole and sing silly songs and make silly noises !
if your above that age ... like between 18-40 you prolly just go out and sit and watch while getting drunk or you join in and dance ...(drunk of course) or you wait until later when kids left and then dance around the pole and sing and drink and have fun whith your friends or you could do as i do .... just dont show up and stay .... not so sober at a pub instead !




(found 2 translated pages that described todays all activitys alla around sweden today... there child friendly and i am not LOL !)


midsummer 2000

and

simple


(also found someone from usa describing this celebration ... LOL)

Midsommar celebration in Harstena

We made way for Harstena, an island, which plays host to the Midsommar holiday every year. It is celebrated much like our 4th of July is here with outdoor cooking, drinking, family and friends gathering for well, eating and more drinking. There's nothing like smoked salmon, Swedish potatoes, some raw greens, a few shots of Aquavit chased by some champagne to put everyone in the mood for singing old folk songs.

The Swedish language is so interesting. I spent years toiling with French culture and language and found Swedish to be very odd to my Latin trained mind. These family dinner songs they sang seemed innocent as the oldest to the youngest person joined in. From the language and tone of the songs I thought they were innocent little ditties similar to favorite American camp songs. But no! They were funny little tunes about adult infidelity.

It was just another of the many surprises I learned about these hearty people. The Midsommar holiday is a very old pagan rite to celebrate the Spring Equinox. I was warned by Petra that during the festivities something wonderful and strange would happen to me. She was right. After a couple of weeks on the boat with the family, eating Eel, Flounder, Salmon, Elk, working in the field with the doctor, and receiving all that loving from Petra, I was quickly changing into a Viking.

The men must have sensed this mutation overtaking me too because they began to show me how to be a provider of food for the clan. One of these varied responsibilities was net fishing. I was taken out with on a small motorboat by one of Petra's cousins. With Petra to keep us company we laid about 50 feet of net out in the harbor over night. When we scooped it out the next day they counted 40 fish. "Darrell caught 40 fish", Petra's aunt welled out! Dr. Sundquist approached me with several other men and congratulated me for a fine catch of Flounder. From that day forward when I was introduced to friends of the family the men congratulated Petra for having found a 'good man'. (end of his rant)


that was all from me today folks !

//Missy

like eww !

today is one of the busyiest days this week =(
i have a list of things to do =(

*go see my doctor about the bad news she called me about yesterday (something about liver blood preasure and spreading of something that i rather forget exists and my blood sugar level that was really high last time i took a test)

*a workout pass for 2 houers (when the hell is my personal trainer gonna stay off my back? like isent one houer per day enoufh ?)

*band practice 3 houers (gig on saturday)

*emegency dentist visit (broke a tooth again .... damn freaking fucking shit)

* 3 houers whith my fireblowing team (The Burnouts) Dom Utbrända (translated that into english first)


thats like ... 10 houers of my day ...... *cries* when the hell can i put in my food break ?

uuuh

today i recived a couple of dvd´s ..... the original startreak season 2 .... disc one and two and a movie called Dead Or Alive 3

i am so in love whith Mister.Spock´s ears ! hes a sexy mofo for beeing a vulcan !

i actully think i am attracted to his ears ! it feels weird !

just too bad hes like out of my age range =( he must be kinda ... old by now..... since the serie was produced at 1967 .....and he was prolly around 25-30 at that time.....

*skips off singing a song...... mr.spocks brain.... by the group... S.P.O.C.K*
*giggles*

Master

you are the one person in my life that i actully dont love
im only here to serve you
i cant really say that i love you... yet
it takes time for me to actully say those words and mean it from the bottom of my heart

i wounder if i did a good thing or a bad thing when i singned the contract last week
i am over analyzing everything to pices =(


//Marina

Do your self a favor

and stay away from me ....
you know who you are and you also know the reason

you others can watch this

haircut ...again !

oh ok ... a haircut ..... i almost look like myself again ... but theres a long way to go before i am done whith my face ....

something to think about

* It takes a minute to meet a special person.
* One houer to value the person.
* One day to realize you love the person.
* But it Takes the rest of your life to forget that person.


Value the time you have and get whith friends its really important ....
Dont be a egoistical selfcenterd pig .... you gain NOTHING by it ...

Behind The Red Velvet Ropes

i spent a couple of houers whith my online friends .... the last nigth in a really loved room
i am sad ... the room went permanently offline as i sat there saying bye to one of the closest friends i made the last few months

that room on camfrog was my haven not heaven .... my haven .... i feelt free in there i could do say think and share my emotions whith persons i liked a lot i could even scream yell sing talk and listnen to great music and be myself and at the same time just be me whithout anyone asking for sex or trying to direct me or telling me to show bodyparts .....

it WAS a friends Room for Friends that had things in common

i am sad becouse i never ran in to a more close bunch of friends on camfrog as the bunch in there

i just whish one more thing out of life rigth now and that is that
YOU as a person take YOUR time and LOOK around .... MAKE a DIFFRANCE in ethier your own life or someone elses life
its not too much of me to ask ....

//Missy
~~~~~~
update !
~~~~~~
At 22:00 pm this nigth i got back online and see´s this !

The Room Decided to supprise me today and actully beeing online again to my happyness !
its like nothing ever happend !

i am happy to be in there on and off !
but i am more happy whith the fact that someone changed his mind and that all and everyone can go back to beeing themselfs once again !

i love these dudes and dudettes !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

moooody !

i am actully sitting here beeing all moody my mood shifts faster then you can say pancake houses are made of pancakes rigth now i am so full off tension that i dont know if i should lalufh or cry or do both at the same time ... i just cant focus .. my mind is out of controll ...put me to sleep for the next few weeks ... and let me stay alseep during that time ... i need hybernation ... im serious ... i have beeing off all types of meds for a week and a half and now i am flooded whith tension and emotions and its messy ..
i dont know why it is always getting harder to control it when you cant sleep

random lyrics that fits my mood

I'm drunk.
I'm sober.
Heaven doesn't want me.
Hell is afraid I will take over.

If it makes me feel so fine
That lovely, darling sin of mine
and if it makes me feel so strong
then how could it ever be wrong?


Darling...
stop comfusing me...
with your wishful thinking...
Hopeful embraces...
...don't you understand?
I have to go through this.
I belong to here, where no one cares
and no one loves.
No light, no air to live in...
A place called hate...
The city of fear.

Instant trouble

dont come close to me
becouse i know
that i am the one
that will get your ass
in to instant trouble

thats for sure
you can ask anyone
that seen me
swinging around

so please dont beg and dont you try to remember me
couse ill just deny it was me that got your ass
in to touble from the start
its on my chart

instant trouble is like blowing bubbles
and as you can see i am comming whith a warning lable


thats for sure
you can ask anyone
that seen me
swinging around

(yeah tryed to write a song and ... failed.... HELP !!)

hmmm

There is only 3 males on this planet that i would consider shagging whith ...
and all 3 is from ..... uk ! supprise supprise ! (and NO friends are included in those 3 persons so dont jump to any fucking conclusions ... thank you for your cooperation the exit is .... downstairs)

Uk has the hottest guys ... and hottest girls !

In the eternal nigth i look for answers....

that who one was heaven on earth is now gone....
memmories fadeing so unreal and distant.....
the dreams we had are now forever lost....
together in life we would walk forever....
atleast that was the thougth.....

promises about eternal love is now gone and forever
vanished as if they where written in water....
chrused love can be fixed but the cracks still exists....
only the pure untainted love is worth a life...

the one i once loved does no longer exist..
my true love is no longer human and alive..
by love itself we are bonded ....
by hate we are bonded....

the three most feared words and loved and missused words is the key to my heart....
they alone can remove the chains from my desires and most wanted freedom...
they can set me free...
and still noone dares to say them and actully mean them....





life is a dream to die is to wake up....
in the darkness of the nigth i levitate
i am thrown everywhere by faith and hope
i am satisfied whith the knowlegde of why and when
and that what happends happends ...
and therefor i do not need to worry or care
becouse nothing can stop or alter my destany....

ryhme in the heavens

oh theres so many stars in the sky
endless skyes endless dreams
i wounder why just our love had to fall.
since you beeing gone i still hear you call.

oh can you tell me why ?
looking at the blazing sky
you said you would love me forever
you said that you would leave me never.
was it just a dream ? its beeing so long so very long
oh can you tell me why ?

remember the times we had together ?
holding hands and kissing tenderly
we whished up on a star to bind us togther
then the clouds took the glow away and now we are strangers

white sheet of paper

my mind is blank i have nothing to say.
its not easy living in a black void of nothing.
at a mental bussstop i ponder the emptiness inside
no feelings, no thougths. only life
man its boring when doves cry.
rain is falling, so what ?
i really dont care
i just wounder if someone would share a soda pop whith me.......

still alive

and discovering things ..... like for instance ... am i a human or am i really just a mythological creature .... i mean ... do i exist at all ?
am i like a unicorn or do i really exist ?
i am begining to wounder why everyone treats me like i was magic or a blessing ... its really starting to go on my nerves ...

where is the slap back to reality when you need it ?
and do i really radiate mysterious powers ?
i have far too many questions and way to little resourses to get any straigth answers ... the first time i heard that i looked like something weird was over a year ago by a girl that i truely miss ...
she thougth i looked like a forrest godess ...short cute and magic and full off sexual rawness ... she also said something about me beeing able to turn heads ... but the only thing missing was my black void in the back and my long golden tail
but ok the same person was comitted in to a locked down ward for thinking she was a elf whith magic powers ... so maybe she was just looney ....

over the last year i have had friends comming and going .... theres a few of those i want back in my life .... but i am not going to give in and make noise about it ... but i do miss them ... alot...
i heard one is getting married ! congratulations ! not that you will ever read this post but anyway ... and i know someone recently had a b-day ..... and you wont read this ethier ... but hey atleast i am thinking about you .... i should get credit for that .... but hey who cares its not like your going to read this anyway ...

and oh yes i almost forgot ... micke/råttan... i DO know YOU read this since you no longer can acess my diary on ethier lunarstorm or helgon ..... or qx .... LOL i am evil i finally erased my old diary entrys and put a lock on those i could not erase ...
if you want to know why ... the answer is simple ... you of all persons should have said something about nathaniel .... but you dident ... you just let me get toyed whith once more ... you of all persons/friends that i regulary hang whith ... i actully listnen to what you have to say about my boyfriends ... like for instance when i dated some dudes that you knew you told me instantly if you liked them or not .... even tho i really dident listnen to what you said i always had your words in the back of MY head ...but i guess ...

im just one of those magnets that attracts loosers and wannabee players ... and married and spoken for men´s ..... so .... i should be searching for something else ... but what ?

seriously ... there is not fucking single guy on this freaking planet that likes me for me ... they just like me for my looks or for for my "easy lay" or for the fact that i go both ways ...

i have Not encounterd anyone the last 3 years that i can see myself whith about 2-3 years from now ... not that i have that much time left in life but atleast i see glimpses of a lonely painful death.. there is noone by my side and it will stay that way since i am considering leaving my heart in the freezer and start behaving bitchy and icecold ....

ohh i just rememberd ... someone owes me something ... would that person be kind enoufh to send me it ? it dosent have to be advanced .... just email me for my home adress and ill reply so you can send me what you owe me ...and yes it has to be on a gold platter ... and yes you have to shrink it down .... i think you can find a site online on how to do that ....

oh yes ... i decided to take clothes desingn and media as my 2 majors ... so if peapole starts dressing really funny on tv ... it only means that me and my future classmates succseded in makeing a diffrance ....

oh yes almost forgot ... the festival was great ! cant wait until next one ... unfortanly ... my one of my 2 bands will play and unfortanly .... ill be singing .... so bring your earplugs your gonna need em !!

Hubert Found

dead.... gone i will miss him .... but hey atleast i know that he is building his web in spiderheaven !
miss you pal ....

next pet will be a albino boa constrictor ...i cant possibly loose something that is bigger in length then myself .... i dont have a name for it yet and i dont know the gender of it ethier ... since its not born yet ... still waiting ... bougth the things i need for it so thats already fixed !

no hubert =(

still nothing .... i am loosing both hope and faith in beliving that you still are alive

sweety hubert ?

where are you ?? i miss you ! and no i still havent given up hope on finding you alive

Huuuuuuubert ???

i presume hes still alive but i am not sure... still searching

Hubert ran away .... i spent 2 houers looking for him .....i gave up and sat my ass infront of the coumputer not crying not smiling just existing .... then i heard a high pitch scream from my neibours adpartment .... apperently Hubert made a visit and they let him out ..... so now i know my dear spider pet is on the loose .... and i dident even get a changs to get this huge assed hairy spider back ...... i hope he finds his way home soon so i dont get in trouble ....  

Nesthor Rocks !

Thanks Nesthor for the editing job on this photo ! *hugs*




You're a Rivethead! You probably get pissed off
when people call you goth, but realise that
most of the world doesn't even make the
distinction between the two very similar
cultures. You revel in the decadence of the
computer age and like to pretend that you could
actually survive in a post-apocalyptic world.


What kind of Goth would you be?
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