still alive

and discovering things ..... like for instance ... am i a human or am i really just a mythological creature .... i mean ... do i exist at all ?
am i like a unicorn or do i really exist ?
i am begining to wounder why everyone treats me like i was magic or a blessing ... its really starting to go on my nerves ...

where is the slap back to reality when you need it ?
and do i really radiate mysterious powers ?
i have far too many questions and way to little resourses to get any straigth answers ... the first time i heard that i looked like something weird was over a year ago by a girl that i truely miss ...
she thougth i looked like a forrest godess ...short cute and magic and full off sexual rawness ... she also said something about me beeing able to turn heads ... but the only thing missing was my black void in the back and my long golden tail
but ok the same person was comitted in to a locked down ward for thinking she was a elf whith magic powers ... so maybe she was just looney ....

over the last year i have had friends comming and going .... theres a few of those i want back in my life .... but i am not going to give in and make noise about it ... but i do miss them ... alot...
i heard one is getting married ! congratulations ! not that you will ever read this post but anyway ... and i know someone recently had a b-day ..... and you wont read this ethier ... but hey atleast i am thinking about you .... i should get credit for that .... but hey who cares its not like your going to read this anyway ...

and oh yes i almost forgot ... micke/råttan... i DO know YOU read this since you no longer can acess my diary on ethier lunarstorm or helgon ..... or qx .... LOL i am evil i finally erased my old diary entrys and put a lock on those i could not erase ...
if you want to know why ... the answer is simple ... you of all persons should have said something about nathaniel .... but you dident ... you just let me get toyed whith once more ... you of all persons/friends that i regulary hang whith ... i actully listnen to what you have to say about my boyfriends ... like for instance when i dated some dudes that you knew you told me instantly if you liked them or not .... even tho i really dident listnen to what you said i always had your words in the back of MY head ...but i guess ...

im just one of those magnets that attracts loosers and wannabee players ... and married and spoken for men´s ..... so .... i should be searching for something else ... but what ?

seriously ... there is not fucking single guy on this freaking planet that likes me for me ... they just like me for my looks or for for my "easy lay" or for the fact that i go both ways ...

i have Not encounterd anyone the last 3 years that i can see myself whith about 2-3 years from now ... not that i have that much time left in life but atleast i see glimpses of a lonely painful death.. there is noone by my side and it will stay that way since i am considering leaving my heart in the freezer and start behaving bitchy and icecold ....

ohh i just rememberd ... someone owes me something ... would that person be kind enoufh to send me it ? it dosent have to be advanced .... just email me for my home adress and ill reply so you can send me what you owe me ...and yes it has to be on a gold platter ... and yes you have to shrink it down .... i think you can find a site online on how to do that ....

oh yes ... i decided to take clothes desingn and media as my 2 majors ... so if peapole starts dressing really funny on tv ... it only means that me and my future classmates succseded in makeing a diffrance ....

oh yes almost forgot ... the festival was great ! cant wait until next one ... unfortanly ... my one of my 2 bands will play and unfortanly .... ill be singing .... so bring your earplugs your gonna need em !!