january block post

2005-01-01 02:02:30

Selfish


ok this is the story about ... ME...
this new year deal is going on my nerves ... first my 2
friends sets me up whith a lousy blind date called Maria...
that after 2 houers already decided to dump me becouse i was

*Egoistic/Selfish
*Boring
*Ugly/Unattractive
*Bimbo Hateing
*Depressing

and a whole lots of more reasons... i stopped listening to
her whine after 15 mins of explaniations about why she
wanted to dump me ....


so i decided to leave the party pretty fast and go celebrate
it whith my mom ... (atleast the food was better there and i
could sneak in to camfrog under the name Mitzina for a lil
while)
--------------------------------------------------
A new Male friend of mine wrote this poem about me
--------------------------------------------------
To call upon a silver moon.
As you rest on a bed of luminous clouds.
I watched you from afar, to see what I can see.
And through a mirrors pale reflection, I wait.

To touch the skin of you.
A blessing, a divine gift.
To taste the lips of you.
A quest of life.

I poured my love from my chest.
Into a world I long ago rejected.
Pulled back by the eyes that are yours.
Walls of my silent prison, I break.

I cut the bonds of pain and misery.
To walk through time with you.
To pray at an altar of devotion.
To embrace the beauty that is you.

Through winters winds.
Through ashen storms.
Beyond the end of the world.
I will always walk with you.


The end
------------------------------------------------------------
his name is Jerry and well hes smart brillant and longhaired
BUT he still dosent qulify as a boyfriend ... mostly becouse
i just dont know if i can trust him enoufh to let him in to
my life this fast ...

thats why its easyier to go whith girls ... they tend to
think the same way i do ... but sure i have beeing burned on
that front as well but not as hard as a male can destroy me...

thats all and oh btw ... Happy New Year !!



2005-01-01 06:09:54

current mood (mad)


Pissed frustrated and feels like killing ever bloody human
on the planet ... stay the fuck out of my way ...
and oh yeah shoot me in the head before i puke .... ill
provide the gun and the bullet .....
--------------------------------------------------------

Moonlight Shadow Lyrics
by Mike Oldfield

The last that ever she saw him
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
He passed on worried and warning
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.
Lost in a river last saturday night
Far away on the other side.
He was caught in the middle of a desperate fight
And she couldn't find how to push through
The trees that whisper in the evening
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Sing a song of sorrow and grieving
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
All she saw was a silhouette of a gun
Far away on the other side.
He was shot six times by a man on the run
And she couldn't find how to push through
I stay
I pray
I see you in heaven far away
I stay
I pray
I see you in heaven far away
Four am in the morning
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
I watched your vision forming
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Star was light in a silvery night
Far away on the other side
Will you come to talk to me this night
But she couldn't find how to push through
I stay
I pray
I see you in heaven far away
I stay
I pray
I see you in heaven far away
Far away on the other side.
Caught in the middle of a hundred and five
The night was heavy but the air was alive
But she couldn't find how to push through
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Far away on the other side.

2005-01-03 18:12:08

who stole my life and turned it in to a nigthmare ?


i have beeing asking myself that alot the last few days ...
and today it got even worse ... i lost a frontal tooth while
eating a stinking billys cheeseburger ...


back to the topic .... i have so many questios that i would
like the answers on ... but there just aint any answers and
its frustrating .... why did i bother to stay alive when my
life was a hell and how did i pull thorugh ?

and whats the real reason for existance when i no longer
dare to meet peapole the normal way ... im scared to death
to go out in crowds but you will never hear me admit that
... (unless i actully know everyone from the start then its
no problem at all)


who stole my life ? that i actully dont know ... i think i
dont have the answers to that yet =(


but anyways ... have a nice day !


2005-01-14 05:30:15

whats it called again ?


I dont know but hey i also dont care ... new things are
happening and fast ... cant keep up whith anything and god i
love the smell of chocklat !


i whished this would have happend sooner but here it is !
i think i migth be in ... what it called again ... ?

and well it makes me all happy and giggely and god i love it !

life isent over yet ! but on the negative side ...
everything has its price ... and i still pay for it .... but
hey ! if everything goes my way i migth be really happy in may !


hopefully sooner tho ... god i want a kid !
to bad that i wont be able get one of my own ....
chemotreatments and constant illness and weak imune system
took care of that for me ...

but as i said i am truely happy for everyone !
and im pretty happy myself for a change !

and yeah i know i havent told peapole it yet but there is a
changs that my cancer wont grow back ..!!!

and you know what that means rigth ?? no more chemotreatents
!! no more loosing hair like crazy !

and welcome back my polite friend ! i missed you a lot
mostly becouse YOU Actully challanged my mind over and over !


and well when we are on the subject of friends ! thank you a
lot for not popping by in my dreams lately.. i really really
dident like what you told me the last time and im happy im
here to prove you fucking wrong !


*mumbles something about the reason of my own existance*
i know why im here ... i am here to make everyone elses life
a living hell ! and well sometimes i mess upp and make my
OWN life in to a living hell ... but thats just a part of
beeing human i guess ...

seriosuly im only here on this planet for one thing and one
thing only ... to take over the world and end all wars and
hunger and starvation ... that sounded nicer huh ?

well i actully dont know what the reason is but hey ! i
think i have to figure that out on my own ... dont ya think ?


anyways i must get back to my sexy cute pice of human now !

adios !!!!!!!

//Marina


2005-01-15 15:37:38

meow ?


just wanted to let my friends on camfrog know that i changed
name ... i am now Mitzina and it will be permanent !

2005-01-15 18:59:21

weird but funny chat !


Maldolor (19:35:49) : you are operator of the chat
Maldolor (19:35:51) : ???
Mitzina (19:35:55) : yes
Maldolor (19:36:02) : why?
Maldolor (19:36:14) : it seems to be boring
Mitzina (19:36:16) : becouse i am good at it
Mitzina (19:36:21) : it IS boring
Mitzina (19:36:34) : but i am good at it
Maldolor (19:36:57) : why you dont stop doing something
boring, you dont have a men with a gun behind you telling
you it no?
Maldolor (19:37:10) : thats why everithing behind you is black
Maldolor (19:37:16) : you have been kidnaped
Mitzina (19:37:19) : =)
Maldolor (19:38:42) : i have catched him now he is saying
to you that you have to lie me
Maldolor (19:38:50) : i know the thruth
Maldolor (19:39:00) : i know now why you cant sleep
Maldolor (19:39:07) : they took you exploited
Mitzina (19:39:34) : who said what ?
Maldolor (19:40:16) : the men with the gun behind you
Maldolor (19:41:10) : Whats happening there?
Mitzina (19:41:35) : the men whith the gun behind me
tickled me !
Maldolor (19:42:10) : tell him that i will kill all his
family if he dont leave you alone
Mitzina (19:42:30) : naah ! =)
Mitzina (19:43:03) : i cant do that !
Maldolor (19:43:08) : why?
Mitzina (19:43:33) : becouse there is no man behind me !
Maldolor (19:43:45) : HE is treating you
Maldolor (19:43:48) : i KNOW
Maldolor (19:43:58) : ive seen his face one second
Maldolor (19:44:02) : i have a picture
Maldolor (19:44:23) : i will call the police
Maldolor (19:44:27) : dont worry
Mitzina (19:44:30) : =)
Mitzina (19:44:34) : thanks !
Maldolor (19:46:37) : look
Maldolor (19:48:00) : i catched him
Maldolor (19:48:04) : one seconfd
Maldolor (19:50:07) : you will see ohh
Maldolor (19:50:12) : its so ugly that men


------------------------------------------------------------