block of posts from december

2004-12-06 02:53:24

Bad Santa Whish list !


k here is my demands ... i want a hug and a kiss and a new
vibrator ... preferably a rabbit ... and a new big matrass
instead of the 2 i currently have .... (it hurts my back)
and i want a new WARM winter coat and a new latex maiden
outfit since i had to throw away the last one i had (due to
me breaking it) ... and i want new shoes/boots to fit in to
that
cute lil outfit ... and i want a new korsette in
leather ... one whith red stripes ... and i want a new
chocker and a new set of footcuffs/handcuffs ...10-15
meters of rope and atleast one or 2 and about 3 new whips
(diffrent kinds) one paddle and one fresh male slave



and no nice presents this year thank you !

//Marina


and no freaking lyrics ethier !
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2004-12-08 16:59:23

i am a twisted person


that i know now ... too bad i dident realize that sooner ...
everywhere i look everywhere i go i look down to the ground
whishing that i was never born

whats wrong whith me ? i dont know i just know i like to
see blood ... i can watch almost anything whithout careing
but when i see my own blood i faint ...

i dont have a problem seeing peapole get hurt or killed ...
but i DO have a huge problem seeing my own blood getting
spilled and wasted away on some dumb fuck ...

i whish i could see the world diffrently then i do ... but
its almost impossible .. until someone find the way to my
heart ill be a stone cold bitch whith so much anger and
frustration inside

i keept no secrets for anyone
EVERYONE knows i am sick
but not everyone treats me like a human .. and i get that
treatment no fucking matter what ...

anyway next chemotreatment starts on friday next week ...
i hope i get to keep the hair this time ..
then the following week ill be doing two kneecap surgerys
and one foot surgery to be able to walk properly again ..

atleast im getting somewhat back in shape ... its not like
a year ago when i was doubble my size and feelt like
crap ... I WAS CRAP ... I DESERVED TO BE LABELD AS CRAP

i still have my up´s and Down´s to explain it better ...
im depressed as shit and its like sitting on a
rollercoaster ... one min your just enjoying the ride the
other min you just hate it and theres no freaking way to
pull a handle to slow it down... and its like that every
min of the day for me .. i shift moods faster then you can
say "i crapped in the blue cabinett"




rigth now i dont feel like telling you whats really on my
mind ... but i hate you so badly and you know who you are
and WHY ...worst thing about that is that the bounderis
between love and hate is thin as a single hair ... so i
dont really know if i love you or hate you ... i am too
confused to really know..


anyways i miss you Smebb (Michael) please log in and argue
whith me ... atleast do me the favor of knowing why you
broke my walls down to then just forget everything ... you
do know i like you a lot rigth ?

and then there is one guy i would like to thank ... Grant...
Thanks for giving me a wakeup call ... i could have needed
that earlyier ... thanks for beeing brutaly honest !

(sorry it took me so long to thank you for it..)







No lyrics today


best camfrog line today ...

Lupine (16:02:25) : Miss_B is being ainti Camfrog Social

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2004-12-12 10:33:20

wrechblashush


the above text has no meaning whatsoever ...
and this is whats going on inside my brain today .... dont
take it seriously thank you !

*sighs* im standing around and stomping in a corner and
hopes that i wont wake up tomorrow ... i just dont want
to ... cant stand anything or anyone anymore... Why does
everything have to be so complicated???



sex anyone ? as i thougth... ill stay this way and i wont
be looking back ... enjoying the rollercoaster called
life ...

live now die tomorrow ... why should i live now ? i have no
freaking reason to stay alive ... die now ? now THATS more
my melody of life ...

as i said earlyier this week ... im not marryied and will
not get marryied unless i get sweept off my feets and
kidnapped by someone and that someone holds a gun to my
head ... then i migth say yes but knowing myself better i
would prolly rather take the bullet in my head then say
yes...


deeper thougths are flowing in my mind but them i cant type
down on a paper or on a coumputer becouse noone would
understand them... not even myself... so dont disturb my
thougths today ...brainactivity is standing on busy ...


and the text above about me thinking of ending my life is
Serious ... but as always i am to chicken to do anything
drastic ..so i wil prolly live one for atleast a couple of
more years


november/december and may/june are the worst months to live
in if you still have my memorys about how life used to
be ... i can remeber the pain every time anyone gets to
close to me ... im freaking scared of human contact whith a
abusive male ... just knowing that they exist is a threat
to my existance ...

yes my defence walls are high so what ?

anyway thanks for waisting your time to read whats on my
really annoyng mind rigth now


No Lyrics for you !!!
and ....
Noooooooo soup for yoo !
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2004-12-14 06:16:39

the day after Lucia


this previous day was full off Chistmas shit like Lucia
Celebration ... god i hate those days ...its not easy
living in a country where we have so many weird days of the
year ... like the above ...

its all about a girl whith candles on her head singing
songs and are followed by a train of candle holders and
some weird looking dudes and pepper cookies man and some
santas ... and they are NEVER able to sing one key
rigth ... is always someone who is tonedeaf or cant sing ...

sure it look pretty but most peapole dosent even know WHY
we celebrate it ...


i for one HATE it ...i really really REALLY hate it....


its called Lucia so google it damn it dont send me email´s
asking me what it is ...


Lucia Firandet... (incace you come up whith ZIT on google
the first time)


anyway ... NO lyrics today ethier ... dont feel like
singing shit today ...
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2004-12-15 21:05:22

what can i possible say about anything ?


HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU SNEAKY 20 YEAR old BRAT sister of mine !
i hope you liked the gifts !
sorry i couldent deliver them myself but you know the
rules.. during a red week i dont mix well whith peapole and
peapole dont look for me during those days becouse they
KNOW i have a short fuse ...

i love it tho ... all alone and noone who disturbs me

i canceled everything from chemotreatment to meetings and
im not takeing any work that involves me leaving my
adpartment at the moment since i cant stand peapole at all
in real life ..


and thankfully i can do most work from home anyways this
week ... doing nothing else then the economics part ... and
thats easy work ... takes me maximum one houer to fix this
whole shablang ... so ill do it on friday or sunday ... no
need for me to do shit just sit at camfrog and listnen to
everyones cute accents and pick up new words ...

i already learned some real english words ... like Fag
and Wankers and lass/lassie

and prolly a lot more words that i dont remember rigth now

and what can be on my mind today ?

well the fact that i havent had sex in 5 years from may
next year ... beat that you silly fucks ! and dont start
whith the phrase ... im this and that old and i am still a
virgin ... NO ONE BUYS THAT CRAP ! unless your male ...
and stop whining about oh i havent had sex in 2-3
weeks/months ... please ... its pathetic !

i choosed to not have sex for a fucking good reason .. i
DONT trust anyone well enoufh to get that fucking close to
me again ...


oh btw i live in Katrineholm/sweden ... its a tadd south
from stockholm on a map ..in södermanland ...

i know some of you have wounderd how come im so openminded
and rude ...
its easy .. i hate sugarcoating things up ... i speak my
mind becouse i CAN and WILL ... no cencorship is EVER going
to stop me from doing what the fuck i want ... and when i
want it ..

and no lyrics today ... to fucking tierd to figure out what
music i want to share
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