2004-11-24 04:10:53

My Thougths of Today


Sometimes i wounder why i exist in a world of hate and i
have no answer.. I will never have a good answer to that..

What is the point of living when you lost your first love
at the age of 16 ? i know hes dead and gone i still visit
his grave and it still hurts like hell 10 years later ... i
miss you Peter... so much it still hurts when i hear our
song played on the radio.


Sunday Nigth/Monday Morning i lost another person i love..
Jenny...my friend/allie for over 20 years she figthed by my
side no matter what.. she was the one who keept my spirit
up when i was as sickest and worst... even during the long
nigths at the hospital that never ended... she even visited
me after the last chemo treatment.. not many others would
do that for me.. she was by my side and i was by her side
when she needed me at most

i spoke whith her just a week ago and everything was fine
then i dident hear from her for a couple of days then her
mother calls me and tells me shes dead at 2 am at nigth and
i freaked out totally and realized after that shes gone and
im heartbroken once again i loved her soo much... she left
her 4 soon to be 5 year old kid behind.

then today i get mixed signals from peapole i like and i
get confused and a bit sad...

i also dyed my freaking hair black and it will stay black
until the day i decide that i will shave it off becouse of
my world crumbeling under my feets (i know that dosent make
much sence but theres atleast one person who does
understand what i mean)

anyway heres some lyrics that i think fit for today.....

Michael Andrews featuring Gary Jules - Mad World


all around me are familiar faces
worn out places
worn out faces
bright and early for the daily races
going no where
going no where
their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression
no expression
hide my head i wanna drown my sorrow
no tomorrow
no tomorrow
and i find i kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you
i find it hard to take
when people run in circles its a very very
mad world
mad world
children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday
happy birthday
and i feel the way that every child should
sit and listen
sit and listen
went to school and i was very nervous
no one knew me
no one knew me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me
look right through me
and i find i kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you
i find it hard to take
when people run in circles its a very very
mad world
mad world
enlarging your world
mad world