some days throwed in together

2004-11-27 10:15:42

today im somewhat ok...


16 houers of sleep and now i have beeing awake for 13 so
its soon time to go sleep again ....


todays lyrics are from my favorite anime Hellsing

Shine
Ending Song

Preformed by Mr BIG

I never really feel quite right
I don't know why, all I know is there's something wrong
Every time I look at you, you seem so alive

Tell me how do you do it, walk me through it
I'm following every footstep

Baby on your own you take a cautious step
Do you wanna give it up?

But all I want is for you to SHINE
Shine down on me
Shine on this life that's burning out

I say a lot of things sometimes that don't come out right
And I act like I don't know why
I guess a reaction is all I was looking for

You looked through me, you really knew me like no one has
EVER looked before

Baby on your own you take a cautious step
Do you wanna give it up?

But all I want is for you to SHINE
Shine down on me
Shine on this life that's burning out

I know, I know, girl you got something

SHINE (shine it on to me)
Shine down on me (I wanna feel it)
Shine on this life that's burning out

Baby on your own you take a cautious step
Do you wanna give it up?

But all I want is for you to SHINE
Shine down on me (just show me something)
Shine on this life that's burning out (you give me
something that I never
know)

Shine (it gonna kill me if you give something away)
Shine yeaaah (I wanna know what's going in on your mind)
Shine on this life that's burning out

----------------------------------------------
2004-11-27 22:22:01

party !


uhmmm ok i did go on a party today .... got semi drunk ate
cake and gave the gift (a NICE blow UP cow doll... jonas
loved it !!) and went home due to everyone else going to a
damn disco ....

BORING PEAPOLE !


then i went online and edited some stuff ...

and this is the result !

Movies i seen from august 2004 until now !

The Visitor
The Lost Empire
X - Men Legenden Om Wolverine
Ripper- Letter from hell
The Serpent and the Rainbow
The 10 th Kingdom - Del 2
Tank Girl
Hollywood Homicide
Tigermasken
The 10 th Kingdom - Del 1
Voodoo Ritual
Transylvania 6-5000
Innocents
Warnings
Roughnecks - Kampen om Hydora
Roughnecks - Kampen om Pluto
Roughnecks - Kampen om Hemplaneten!
Snow Queen
The Asylum - dödens salar
Schoolday of the Dead
Uptown Girls
Dracula 2004
Dagon
Thir13en Ghosts
Teenage Caveman
Rose Red
Progeny
They Live
Saint Sinner
John Carpenter's Vampires 2
John Carpenter's Vampires
Stephen Kings Köplust
Legally Blonde 2
Legenden om djävulshuset
Legally blonde
Marci X
Darkwolf
666-The Number Of The Beast
Alien Hunter
Dracula 2001
Dragon Fighter
Alla älskar Musse
The 4th Floor
Altered Species
Cube 2 - Hypercube
Stargate - Directors Cut
The Sin Eater
Balatack del 1
Portrait of a Vampire
Ice Planet

(list will prolly be reposted around newyear)



lyrics for today is less depressing !!!

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you


Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
But Judy left the same time
Why was he holding her hand?
When he's supposed to be mine?


It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you


Play all my records, keep dancing all night
And leave me alone for a while
Til Johnny's dancing with me
I've got no reason to smile


It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you


Oh, Judy and Johnny
just walked through that door
Like a queen with her king
Oh, what a birthday surprise
Judy's wearing his ring


It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you


Oh, it's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you...
-------------------------
2004-11-29 01:21:15

i hate the world


and most of the time i hate you...
if i put all my energy in to a little box i would only need
a month to make all that hate blow up into the sky like a
a-bomb

im not sleeping again ... its houer 50 and im getting
rather pissed off at everyone ...

so if you need a good advice heres one for you ... STAY THE
HELL AWAY FROM ME UNTIL I SLEEPT !





LYRICS RAMMSTEIN

"Du Hast"

[x4]
Du
Du hast
Du hast mich

Du hast mich

[x2]
Du hast mich Gefragt

Du hast mich gefragt und ich hab nichts gesagt

[x2]
Willst du bis der Tod euch scheide
Treu ihr sein fur alle Tage
Ah-h-h-h
Nein
Ah-h-h-h
Nein

[x3]
Du
Du hast
Du hast mich

Du hast mich

[x2]
Du hast mich gefragt

Du hast mich gefragt und ich hab nichts gesagt

Willst Du bis der Tod euch scheide
Treu ihr sein fur alle Tage
Ah-h-h-h
Nein
Ah-h-h-h
Nein

willst Du bis der Tod euch scheide
Sie lieben auch in schlechten Tagen
Ah-h-h-h
Nein
Ah-h-h-h
Nein

willst Du bis der Tod euch scheide
Treu ihr sein
Ah-h-h-h
Nein
Ah-h-h-h
Nein
-------------------
2004-11-30 04:18:32

clumbsy me


i messed up my sisters hair *evil grin* put in a extention
and burnt her hair and it fell off today
shes got a bald spot in her hair !!!!!!!!

shes a stupid blonde anyway ... and i mean her attitude not
the hair color ... i have nothing against blond peapole
just my sister ...


anyhow shes soon going to be 20 *smack her head* and i
still havent found the b-day gift for her yet =(

oh and well i have 2 halfbrothers as well one lives in uk
and the otherone at his moms house ...

the 15 soon to be 16 year old is a smaller copy of me (his
b-day is comming up as well during december but his gift
was easyier .. hes gonna hang whith me on 2 festivals in
sweden this comming year all expenses payed by ...
ME...) ... but hes taller ... everyone is taller !

when we stand beside eatchother peapole easily think that
im the younger one ...
mostly becouse i look like if i where his younger sister
not 10 years older *giggles*
i act older then him tho ... the other halfbrother lives in
uk whith his wife ... shes a really nasty shitassed bitch
that only care about brands when it comes to clothes and
cloth .. she tryed to dress me up as a princess one time
god i hate her gutts !


i also have 3 chistmas presents left to buy ... but on the
brigth side i wrapped everything else up today ! =)
that is 2 presents eatch for everyone ... and yes i realize
its damn early but i rather be done whith that then have to
do it when its too freaking late !

anyhow heres today song !

"Kiss From A Rose" by Seal

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be
seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grave,
I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny,
yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be
seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grave
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grave.
----------------------------------

2004-11-25 17:33:16

random tests i taken today

You were male in your last earthly incarnation.

You were born somewhere around the territory of which we 
now know as modern Wales, approximately in the year 1750.

Your main profession was: oracle, adviser to the royal 
court.

A brief psychological profile of you in that past life:
You were both wise and respected by your peers, but also 
feared for your forward thinking and wish for change.

A lesson that your last past life wishes you to learn in 
your present life is:
You should develop self-love and ability to implant hope 
into hearts of people. Ambition is not everything. True 
wealth is buried in your soul. 


------------------------------------------------------


im sweet and sinister
------------------------------------------------------
so what ?



and of course .... 

Lyrics of the afternoon/nigth

BOY GEORGE
You Really Want To Hurt Me

Give me time
To realise my crime
Let me love and steal
I have danced
Inside your eyes
How can I be real? 

Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry

Precious kisses, words that burn me
Lovers never ask you why 
In my heart the fire's burning
Choose my colour, find a star
Precious people always tell me
That's a step, a step too far 

Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry 
Words are few I have spoken

I could waste a thousand years
Wrapped in sorrow, words are token
Come inside and catch my tears 
You've been talking but believe me
If it's true you do not know
That this boy loves without a reason
I'm prepared to let you go 
If it's love you want from me
Then take it away
Everything's not what you see
It's over again 

Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry 
Do you really want to hurt me 
Do you really want to make me cry
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry 
Do you really want to hurt me
Do you really want to make me cry...

2004-11-25 04:23:25

this is how i feel rigth now ...

today i have had nothing to say more then that i beeing 
awake for a long time and i almost lost all sence of time 
and track of my own mind ... im on autopilot and i hate it 
i hate you i hate you i hate you for leaving me like this 
STUPID BITCH come back to me...i miss you...


and no shes not a bitch but what she did was stupid ... i 
know we could have solved it the easy way ...


i feel like shit and a shower and a bit of food wont really 
help rigth now... not even a hug from a friend helps i want 
my Jenny and i WANT HER BACK NOW before i go insane


Lyrics... this is how i feel ...



Nothing Compares to You
~ Sinead O'Connor


It's been seven hours and fifteen days 
Since you took your love away 
I go out every night and sleep all day 
Since you took your love away 
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want 
I can see whomever I choose 
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant 
But nothing ... 
I said nothing can take away these blues, 
'Cause nothing compares ... 
Nothing compares to you 

It's been so lonely without you here 
Like a bird without a song 
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling 
Tell me baby where did I go wrong? 
I could put my arms around every boy I see 
But they'd only remind me of you 
went to the doctor guess what he told me 
Guess what he told me? 
He said, girl, you better have fun 
No matter what you do 
But he's a fool ... 
'Cause nothing compares ... 
Nothing compares to you ... 

All the flowers that you planted, mama
In the back yard 
All died when you went away 
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard 
But I'm willing to give it another try 
'Cause nothing compares ... 
Nothing compares to you

/singning off !

2004-11-24 20:47:59

Great Day.... no not really ...

shit why do i always do the same misstakes over and over 
and over ... 

tryed to make some new friends but then i scared them away 
by telling them things they prolly never imagined that a 26 
year old girl would have done/survived...
i walked through hell for 10 years of my life and not until 
now i feel ok whith it as my past.


ehither im just plain stupid or i need a better incarnation 
next time..  this shape and body already gave up ... only 
thing thats struggeling now is my messy mind ... and i 
think a lot about everything ... and im serious .... 
probobly too serious for my own good and thats what scares 
peapole away from me

i dont joke around im serious 24/7  and some peapole seems 
to think that ethier its intimidating or that im insane or 
have no sence of humor ... well there freaking bloody rigth 
about that ... i HAVE no sence of humor...


i will now stop have feelings for my own good since 
feelings for another person is just a illusion or a state 
of mind .. and thats too much to ask of me at this point.. 
ill just go out fuck around and be myself ... 


Screw YOU !!
and no lyrics today ... 

2004-11-24 04:10:53

My Thougths of Today


Sometimes i wounder why i exist in a world of hate and i
have no answer.. I will never have a good answer to that..

What is the point of living when you lost your first love
at the age of 16 ? i know hes dead and gone i still visit
his grave and it still hurts like hell 10 years later ... i
miss you Peter... so much it still hurts when i hear our
song played on the radio.


Sunday Nigth/Monday Morning i lost another person i love..
Jenny...my friend/allie for over 20 years she figthed by my
side no matter what.. she was the one who keept my spirit
up when i was as sickest and worst... even during the long
nigths at the hospital that never ended... she even visited
me after the last chemo treatment.. not many others would
do that for me.. she was by my side and i was by her side
when she needed me at most

i spoke whith her just a week ago and everything was fine
then i dident hear from her for a couple of days then her
mother calls me and tells me shes dead at 2 am at nigth and
i freaked out totally and realized after that shes gone and
im heartbroken once again i loved her soo much... she left
her 4 soon to be 5 year old kid behind.

then today i get mixed signals from peapole i like and i
get confused and a bit sad...

i also dyed my freaking hair black and it will stay black
until the day i decide that i will shave it off becouse of
my world crumbeling under my feets (i know that dosent make
much sence but theres atleast one person who does
understand what i mean)

anyway heres some lyrics that i think fit for today.....

Michael Andrews featuring Gary Jules - Mad World


all around me are familiar faces
worn out places
worn out faces
bright and early for the daily races
going no where
going no where
their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression
no expression
hide my head i wanna drown my sorrow
no tomorrow
no tomorrow
and i find i kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you
i find it hard to take
when people run in circles its a very very
mad world
mad world
children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday
happy birthday
and i feel the way that every child should
sit and listen
sit and listen
went to school and i was very nervous
no one knew me
no one knew me
hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me
look right through me
and i find i kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you
i find it hard to take
when people run in circles its a very very
mad world
mad world
enlarging your world
mad world