Studio Day... or as i would say ... Screw up Day.

so ... i spent 6 houers in a studio today .... it was annoying as shit ...

it took our studioman 2 houers to set everything up in the studio...
it took me 3 houers to sing one song whithout getting distracted or starting to laufh .... and the studio guy was a totall noob ... he dident have a clue about anything .... i wounder how he got that job ...
and it took me one houer to lay the guitarr track .....
SO OFF COURSE I AM ANNOYED and TIERD !

and..... the end result ..... was ... mediocre ....i could have done it better ..... it is after all a brilliant song ...

oh well atleast i have 3 days of practicing on next song .... since its probobly going to take the rest of the group some time to lay their tracks if they end up whith the same moronic studioman ...

i hope they get fredrik as a studioman ... becouse danny .... fucking sucks .... i have never ever seen such a bad studioman ... the only thing positive whith that guy is that i would jump in bed whith him if he wherent so stupid .... he looked great and all but he just dident have the brains.... (like hello .... he dident even know the names of the instruments .... he brougth me the bass instead of the guitarr .... TWICE and he couldent even find the on button on the mixer board... he had to ask me ...and i more or less had to show him how his mixerboard worked before i went in to the sound proof room and started singing)


why let the singer get a studioman that NEVER done any work like this before ... i bet it was dannys first day ... it wouldent supprise me ... and well then meeting such a bitch like me that constantly whine or laufhs at his misstakes .... i better call him and say i am sorry tomorrow .... i migth have beeing really really hard on him ...

atleast it was a day i will never forget...

Friends and love !

first of all i am not including names becouse they know damn well who they are ! this is my way of saying i love you guys and girls !



1, the handsome hunk that made me drool like a fool by just existing and just by chatting whith me then you turned in to my best online male friend ... do you have any idea on just how much i love you for beeing a friend of mine ? its a lot .... i dont think theres a way to describe it ... your simply the best !

2, The girl i treat better then my sister ! damn i love you so much its almost impossible to put a good set of words for it ! where you are ... i am... as your shadow and wherever i go your my shadow ! we just cant handle living one day whithout talking or chatting ! i so love you ! 2 girls whith the same soul or like really close sisters ... god i love you !

3, My extra online younger brother i have never meet anyone i like this much your my private stalker when i havent got locate user deactivated ! we share more then just opinions .... we also like same junkfood ! damn i love you !

4, The girl i like and would like to meet up irl whith just to give a kiss and hug on ! you changed a bit of my way of thinking you old cow !
no your not a cow and hey your not that old ... just a few years older then me.. i just like you a lot even if i dont show it every time you waltz back in to my life whith your uberbitchyness ... to bad you quit using camfrog ... you where a diamond among jewels ! its hard to belive were actully cousins in real life ! we dont look alike we dont think alike ... but i do love you hun !

5, My ego ...you are the one i could see myself whith but at the same time not .... i love the attention i get when i am around you but ... it also gets tiersome but its only becouse you cant really decide where your heart is ... your more like a cat then me ... sure i have same wiew on life when it comes to sex and relationships ... but its just not enoufh i do have a short lifespawn and you have your whole future to decide whats rigth for you ... i migth be miss rigth now ... and its just not going to cut it if you know what i mean ... but i do love your charming ways .... i hope you find what your looking for ... usa is a big country...

6, My shy on cam (yeah rigth LOL) but got a attitude to kill for and always have your mind in the gutter ! damn you ! it took time before i even cared to say hi to you and look at us now ... not even your online girlfriend can seperate you from me since i am the one girl that you turn to every time your sad or deppressed becouse she wont let your love be shown or accepted ... i love you equally back ... but you have your mind set on nono (i am only bubusan) ... thats ok whith me .. you stole my heart and you kindly returned it to me when you where done and now were great friends that loves eatchother ... you rock my world whith your voice and your guitarrplay ... i can sit and listnen for houers and houers

7, Your one cool lady ! i love you becouse you DARE to be yourself even tho your like ... 50 + ! well you rock ! and i love you !

8, My sexy friend but i really dont like the fact that your so split ... one day you say one thing and the other day .... i just dont have a clue ... but ... your a good friend no matter what !

9, you damn quitter... you stopped using frog becouse of ONE freaking person .... and you said you loved me ... i cant take you serious but i do love you as a friend .....you want much out of life and i cant give you it ... but you do look cute when you are asleep .... even tho i havent botherd to talk to you much lately but thats only becouse your still hanged up on the girl you thougth was your match.. your one of the shadows that will chase me

10, My latest addition ... you are serious i thougth you where jokeing when you said you wanted to marry me .... since everyone else usally joke about it ... your my angel of death.....my walter ... you have everything i want but are you really going to waste that love on me ... i mean you already know my darkest secrets one look at me and you told me everything i needed to know you pinpointed me on the spot ... it freaked me out to be honest ... you already knew whithout even knowing me or any of my online friends and your ready to give up your life in usa just to be by my side ... i still dont think i am worth it ...

my mind

this cant be good ..... i am now back on shedding skin all over the place ...
its nasty ..... my arms legs face you name it .... its nasty ..... but i was thinking .... what if its supposed to be like this ... what if it makes me look younger .... is there any perks in it or am i just going to live whith it ?

i am slowly going insane .... and unfortanly theres nothing that seems to be able to stop it this time ....
everyone goes insane from time to time ... atleast once in their lifetime .. i know that .... but why now ? the timeing just isent rigth .... i need to have a clear headed mind .... i need to make desicions and its just tearing me apart faster then anything i ever fougth before ....

my world is falling apart ... and whith it goes my hopes my dreams and my future... and theres noone besides me that can face it ... it feels like i am cursed and its tearing me up inside ... i am so angry and upset and i hide it under my mask of apathy and i put on this fake smile so noone will ever know how i really feel inside ....

you want to know ..... but its best for you if you dont know ... (thats directed at myself)... i Want to know the reason why this is all hitting me in the face every day i wake up and opens my eyes and takes my first breath of air..

i also want to know what the purpose of me existing was ... becouse it really dident make much sence to me ... but ok ... not even my own mind makes sence rigth now ... i am trapped in my own unfocused brain that relives every second of all bad things that ever happend just not to myself ... to everyone that ever existed ... its like i can hear everyone at the same time and i can feel what they feelt and i can even smell things and know exatly what it is so many peapole and so many lifes whith no apperent reason to exist ...

i better stop now before my brain lets out a whole life on a sheet... its getting close to a overload of thougths running in my mind... and impressions and things i whished never happend ...

i am going insane....

Original Drawing that I MADE ! yay for me ! 

Half Finished product ! 

Self Potrait ! drawed by hand painted whith paint .... and outlined whith photoshop 

someone i first drawed and then put a bunch of paint on !  

same elf in color and a few adjustments ! 

First stage ....... 

and today we look likw this ! 

yeah .... now this is how i looked yesterday 

also a really weird/alterd pic 

alterd pic from the mirror .... 

BAD hairday ! LOL 

Crosseyed !! 

THE REAL BUSAN !!! 

*looks around whith her big eyes* 

Huh ! do i exist ? 

No... i am just a illusion that runs around and thinks/belives i exist....... 

You migth have wounderd what my type is somewhere in the back of your head ....
If i knew myself i would give you a really good answer ...

I want myself becouse i am gods answer to everything !

Sorry ... my brain is on vacation.... 

~~~
Seriously i dont want to get shameful sex suggestions from anyone...becouse i get what i want when i want it sooner or later anyway... but i Am looking for new friends that can handle a really cranky and pissed off at the world kinda girl that sometimes just dosent know what she wants at the moment ... and sometimes she knows exactly what she wants and when she wants it.....
~~~ 

a weird dream once again

I had a pretty weird dream again .....

i dreamt that i was in uk in really dark forrest ....
dressed as normal ..... that means .... black clothes in various materials and my long leather coat ....

i had 2 friends whith me ... one male and one female ... we where takeing photograps .... and suddenly i fainted off for some weird reason .. both my heart and lungs stopped i laied there as if i where dead .... and they found a note beside me that said call this number if i collaps ... they picked up my cellphone and called the number on the display ... and on the other side of the phone they heard a male voice saying .... Oh Shes in trouble again ..huh ! well where are you guys and can you bring her to a less sunny area and she will be ok .. im on my way...

they hanged up and then he came whith a pack of something that they couldent identify ... it was red and looked like blood ... he asked them .. do you guys really know what type of creature Marina is ?
they answerd that they already guessed that Marina wasent really human at all .... since the photos they taken whith her ... dident really make sence .... she was so pale and almost like a white ligth ...

My male rescuer said ... well she is a blood drinker and i am the one whith her blood packs ... i am one of the very few persons on this planet that has the blood she needs ....
and he stuck the bloodpack in my mouth and i woke up from my faint attack

first thing i did was saying in a soft voice ... thank you darling ... im still hungry have any more ? and he looked at me whith a frown ... and said ... no girl you dont want to get fat now ... would ya ?
i giggled and talked to my friends ....
you guys know .... more then you should know about me now ... so i better show off what i really am ....

i walked behind a tree and transformed in to a small longhaird female ...the hair was down to my knees and all white....whith small fangs and black eyes whith a fire flame in the pupil ... i walked back to my friends and they stood there whith their jaws dropped to the ground and they said .... oh holy shit ... your one of THEM ? and i said softly ... what do you guys mean ? .....

they answerd fastly ... your a vampire .... your not alone .... we know atleast 3 more in the area we live in ....and my jaw dropped becouse i thougth i was the only one ...

so off we went .... and i meet up whith the others .... and i realized i was a stuck up snob becouse i perferd the same humans blood ... i really dident even try the others way of eating and killing ... they more or less attacked everyone while i stayed put whith my human that i never bitten once .... since he freely donated his blood
i figured .... something was really wrong so i took my stuff and walked away .... i wasent to pleased about the fact that i had 3 persons of my breed around ... so i tryed to get as far as possible from them ... they got mad and started searching for me and my human blood donator came around and slapped me and said something like .... HEY you need to open your eyes .... there your kind.... but there more uncivilised then you .... but there still your kind ...

i answerd ... yeah but they should know by now .... that im nothing like them ... and my human blood donator said ... well yes your obvisoulsy from the same place as them but you have something they dont have .... how many of those have someone like me backing you up i mean .... i come when you tell me to come ... i do everything you beg off me just becouse i love you for beeing you ... and i know you would die for me as well if my life depended on it and its pretty much the same whith my feelings ..


after he said that i unfortanly woke up in real life ....